Tired eyes...

...of a weary traveler

Tired eyes play ticks on us once again. Shifting pictures in the red reflections ahead draw our attention from the matters at hand, and we lose our focus for the moment. Watching as the pictures dance across the scene, mystifying onlookers as to what they really are. The magic is intriguing, but we cannot stop concentrating, for that could lead to a change in our path, where danger could lie.

We see the rats are running again, jammed to the side as they do. Why do the rodents not realise that they could run faster if they were spread out. Or do they not want to finish the race, content in blaming the other rats for their failure.

As they dart around us, we pray that they do not touch, for a single tap could cause others to panic and envelop us, spelling our death without question. With so many foolish rats around us, the tiniest slip could disrupt the fragile, fragile harmony within which they exist and we are traveling. Such a disruption would end the race for them all.

We hope that we do not stay here long enough to become one of them. We must stay attentive and watch our sides to ensure that we are protected. Protected not from the rats though, but from ourselves, for the start of the change lies within us, not them.

Tired eyes come back into focus as we leave this race to start another. We can only wonder what tricks they will play on us on the way to work tomorrow.

"All I wanna do all day is spend it in bed...

...but that's bad for the body, and worse for my head..."

Ironically enough, the title of this post is the exact opposite sentiment to the way that I feel. I no longer want to sleep. Sure, I could just go and lay down my head upon that soft pillow and loose myself wrapped in that big warm blanket...but I just don't want to.

I've been going to sleep progressively later over the past few weeks. Last night I was out at the Reel Big Fish show, and didn't get back until gone 1am. Of course, I sat up and wasted my time for a little while trying to download a song, so I was up until 1:30, when I passed out. Tonight I was out and about until about 12:25. It's now 12:45, and I'm no closer to sleeping. I know I need to, but I really have little to no desire to do it. I don't even feel tired, just a little disjointed at this point.

Like I said, I know I have to. We all need sleep, it's a human function, and if we don't, things start to slide. I can hardly muster as much as a smile until early afternoon these days. If nothing else, this at least gives me fuel for my blog, but I'm not even thinking, just working, working, working. The phrase "zone-out" never felt so real. As so often happens in life, or at least mine, I seem to be working toward an eventual goal, or at least a breaking point. I'm guessing it'll be the end of the week, when my two week leave of absence starts. I won't get to sleep, but at least I won't have to wake up.

And don't even get me started on what could happen there.

We'll see what Friday holds.
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A few people have been bugging me about not writing here enough. Contrary to popular belief a) I'm really, REALLY busy, and b) I need something to write about, and time to reflect upon it, which I am lacking in one or both cases. So don't bug me. I can write about everyday crap or I can write something interesting. If you want crap, go to a crap factory. This is not a crap factory.

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This blog is becoming less of a journal and more of an introspective. The more I write, the less I want to write about what I just did or what I'm about to do, and more about what I'm thinking and "feeling". I like this more. It means less volume, but more quality. I'm also liking using song lyrics in the titles. This will probably stay as long as I find relevant songs to listen to.

If you don't like either of these two directions, please proceed to the aforementioned crap factory.

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Currently Listening to: Reel Big Fish / Littlest Man Band - Drunk Again

"But something that was not to be is done...

...and this is the start of what was..."

In chemistry class a few years back we learnt how atoms collide to form molecules. We were told that, given enough energy, a random collision would form an intermediate molecule, that was partly separate atoms and partly a complete molecule. If the conditions were just so, the intermediary would form into the molecule, and continue on as such. If not, the atoms would simply fly apart, both going in completely different directions.

I realised yesterday how similar this is to the world we live in. When you meet someone for the first time, you could talk a little, bonding, getting to know them or just spending time, or you could just walk away, each going in your own direction. But sometimes, two people can join for a short while, forming an intermediary of sorts, really connecting for a few minutes, or even hours, and then just both move on, never to run into each other again.

Someone was talking to me about this once, and she told me how much she loved to connect with someone on some level just for a few moments, knowing that you will never see that person again. She asked if I knew what she meant, and I assumed that I did, so agreed.

I didn't. I had no idea.

Last night I was at a Summer barbecue for my work. I knew relatively few people there, and spent most of the beginning of the evening just talking to the few people that I knew. I hate it when there are so many people around, I'm just not good at it. If there are too many people I get nervous and don't say anything, just stand there listen.

Then this girl introduced herself. To be honest, it isn't fair to call he a girl, she was a woman, without a doubt. She was the company president's niece, visiting from Alberta. So she asked me about my accent, and we chatted, and it was interesting, and engaging. After a short while we drifted off, each doing our own thing. But then later, we started talking again, not about ourselves, what we did or what we had done, but about life, and the way we live it. And we just went on like this, chatting, talking, enjoying ourselves.

I stayed late into the night, just enjoying myself. I had nowhere better to be, so I had no reason to leave. Before I knew it, everyone was gone, and I decided that I should follow.

She was, without question, the most interesting and entertaining person at that party, and the only one there I could just talk with, comfortably, and without having to have a specific subject. There are very few people that I have met in my life that I have bonded with so quickly, and so naturally. She was 5 years from being twice my age, and yet we were able to connect on some level so easily.

And then I turned and walked away.

Organise your life...

...The power of lists applied

I've gotten the impression lately that there aren't enough hours in the day to do all of the things I need to do. However, I'm under the distinctist of impressions that there are no plans to add either more hours to the day or more days to the week. Having said, I do intend to petition to have these omissions corrected.

The point is, I have found that I don't have enough time to do all of the things I need to do each and every week. What is it exactly that I have to do? I have little to no responsibility, nothing that I'm made to do, and do very little in the way of activities. So how is it that I don't have the time to do nothing?

Well, I think the problem is that I didn't know that I didn't have anything not to do. So, I made a list of all of the little jobs that I had to do, and set about getting all of them done today. And you know what? I did it, and it felt like a huge weight was lifted.

I guess like seems so much easier when its set out infront of you in a series of bullets. When you can see what you have to do and what you've already done, there is a sense of purpose, a goal that you can really focus on and work towards. Now I just feel like I'm up to speed on all of my tasks, and that I can finally chill out for a little while.

It's now 11:30pm, and I'm starting to lose the plot. I'm not really following what I'm writing right now, and I get the distinct feeling that I'm rambling.

What was my point?

Pete

Choices, Choices

"I shall call them my shoes, and they shall be mine and they shall be my shoes...
These are the three pairs of shoes. Feel free to post a comment as to which ones I should keep. I say the ones far right

A good start...

This week has gotten itself off to a really good start, so hopefully it'll come to a really good conclusion. I'm busy as anything, but it's a good kind of busy. I got to go out and see the guys last night, which was nice, even though I was only there in body. I was tired and I think that all of the talking and tv and music and foos at the same time caused a sensory overload. I was trying really hard to pay attention to everything, but my poor brain was straining to follow the "intricate" plot lines of Sex and The City, so I was somewhat detatched from the conversation. Still, its always nice to be in the company of freinds.

I had the opportunity to talk to some people about some things that I needed to get off of my chest this past weekend, and it was a pleasant reminder that I do have some real freinds, freinds who are always willing to listen and help you out, and that don't have to feign interest, because they genuinley are interested. It lead me to say "thank you" and mean it for the first time in a while.

I also bought some shoes. I'm not sure how girls derive so much pleasure from shoe shopping. I found it to be quite a chore. Firstly, there are very few decent shoe shops, and even fewer that sell guys shoes. Though, alas, the "Mason Bus Theory" held up once again. When I finally found a decent shoe shop, I found not one but two pairs of shoes that I liked. What ever was I to do?? Well, I got both, because it seemed like the only sensible option. Then I found another pair, and bought those too. Then, on my way out, I found yet another pair. I didn't buy these. I was tired.

So, I now have 3 pairs of very similar shoes. I should probably decide which to keep, and which to take back. This isn't fun at all, it's difficult, and expensive. Girls are crazy.

There's much more to say, but I have little time and even less memory of what they are, so I'll try and post more in the coming days/hours.

Pete

Feeling The Same As I Did Yesterday...

...Feeling the same as I might do tomorrow...

I heard these lyrics on a song today, at work, and it was like I was the center of a movie for a few minutes, just because it reflected how I felt so well. No, I take it back, it was how I felt. These lyrics were the perfect lyricification of my inner thoughts and feelings.

I seem to have slipped into the cycle of life, with days blending into one another, and nothing memorable happening to differentiate....well, anything anymore. Or maybe my mind has just rotted to the point that nothing can stick anymore, all of the significant memories have no cohesion and simply slide through my thoughts and into the ether, lost for good in the ebbing tide that is my consciousness.

I feel it every morning now. I wake up at around 6:30, half an hour before my alarms even go off, and stare at the clock, knowing that the routine will have to begin soon, to get up, dress, eat, shower, dress for work, go to work, pretend to work until I feel like working, come home for lunch, go back to work, try and make myself work, but ultimately get distracted and give up, come home, waste away my time, then sleep. Sure there's more to it than that, but not much. And now, with so much work at the weekends, I can't even pray for the sweet release of rest 2 days per week.

I think that's the biggest problem. With a Monday to Friday job, you have hope that the weekend will bring change, rest, partying, whatever it is you don't get in the week. But with little to look forward to, the weeks seem like a null space, nothing at either end.

It wouldn't help that I'm seeing less of my friends all the time. With spending my time on a few different people, I'm letting go of some of the others. Maybe its just a new feeling, of being a socialite, but the connections seem to be wearing thinner and thinner all the time.

Or maybe I'm just being overly dramatic.

I ♥ Blogging...

A casual pastime turns into a mild-obsession...

For those of you out there who either just read blogs of have only recently begun to write, you may not realise the true extent of blogging. It isn't just a sounding board, a journal, or a communication tool. The world of blogging is a huge community of people, some like you, some totally different, all writing and reading and linking.

And now I've fallen in love with it.

There is another blog that I check regularly, TJ's Place. It's written by the manager of a strip club (and avid writer) in the US somewhere, and it makes for a very interesting and entertaining read. However, he has a whole list of links, one of which is to Clublife. I randomly decided to check this one out, and found it really interesting. The author is a bouncer at a few clubs in NY, and it's a really fun read. So, since the blog is new and only had a few comments, I posted, saying that I had enjoyed it, and that he should keep writing. I, of course, included a link to my own blog. Within a few hours 2 different people had posted comments on my blog saying that they had read my comments, checked out my blog, and enjoyed it. One of them even said he would link to my site. I GOT A LINK!! Do you realise how excited this made me? I sat at work (productively not working, of course) and grinned from ear to ear, almost laughing with joy. And then I knew. Not only was I a huge nerd, but I was in love with blogging. The community that surrounds this strange pastime is so enthralling that I've been sucked in. And you know what? I have no complaints at all.

So for those of you who are still on the fringe of this sub-culture, come on in, get your feet wet, and poke around a few people's blogs. You won't have to look very far to find something that you really like.

Keep on blogging,

Pete

ps Thanks to all (people that I know and people that I don't) for all the kind words.

The Mason Paradox...

Try and make sense of it...I dare you, just try...

So I get to work on Monday and the 7 people (myself included) who comprise the two cubes in which my "team" works have all moved desks. It appears that I forgot that the floor plan was moving to make everyone's life easier. However, as a result of this, I have now moved to the other cube...and am sat all on my own, with no one behind my, in a corner, with all of my "team-mates" in the adjacent cube, over a small partition.

This means that, at no time, can anyone see my computer screen without me knowing about it. It turn, this means that I can slack off at any time. For the last two days, I haven't started actually doing work until at least 10:00. That's a solid 90 minutes of not working. With no one to check up on me, I have little to incentive to complete my mind numbingly easy, yet quite time consuming tasks.

The paradox, however, is thus: My productivity has increased significantly. I am completing more of my work in less time, despite spending noticeably more time not working. How does this make any sense???

The way I see it, I no longer live in the fear of being caught slacking off. Before, I would get very little safe slacking off time, so whenever my supervisor left the room, I would take the opportunity to safely slack off and browse the web. However, this would often come at times when I was in the flow of working, or being quite productive. Therefore, I would be productively working on slacking off, then working slowly when I eventually got back to work, or be forced to try and work when I couldn't concentrate.

Now, however, whenever I get bored or tired or just don't want to work (when I'm being unproductive) I just start slacking off. Not only does this mean that I work when I'm at my most productive, but it means that I'm happier and more relaxed, because I'm not working when I don't want to be.

Based on this finding, I'm going to petition to my boss to get my own office. With that, there's no limit top how fast I could sort through documents or correct formatting errors in documents.

If you're reading this, there's a good chance you're putting off doing something way more important...keep up the good work.

Pete

A little bit of this...

...a little bit of that...

OK, this is just a general update post, nothing too interesting going on here.

First off, the answer to my question a few posts ago. Alas, (YAY!!) no one managed, or even tried to guess, so I'm buying myself a six pack. Now, the answer is a little cheap, I'll admit that, but I couldn't give too much of a clue as to what the running theme was, since I really didn't want to buy anyone the prize. So, that link through out the post was:

All of the words in italics are song titles. I went through my collection semi-randomly selecting tracks, and tried to find ways of integrating them into my little journey. This is most noticeable towards the end, in the sentence "And it flew from it's perch, over our heads and back to where I had started my journeys". The observant reader would have spotted the continuity error in switching form talking about "me" to "us" with "over our heads". Yeah, yeah, I know, it was really subtle, but that's what the connection was.

Next up, as any observant MSN user will have noticed, I've been drafted into a 60+ hour work week. So, on top of my weekday 40 hours, I'm clocking 20 or so hours at the weekend working with the climbing walls. It works out to be 12 hours on Saturday (11-11) and 9 on Sunday (11-8). And to make matters worse, it's in Guelph.......GUELPH!!!!

This basically means that I don't get a Saturday night, since it'll be a solid hours drive to get home from Guelph (where is Guelph anyways??) so we're gonna have to make up for it on Friday if at all possible.

Finally, I got brutally, brutally sunburnt over the weekend. My face was viley red. For reference, do not point this out. I know already. I know that I've caught the sun, so please don't tell me. Everyone at work has already done it, and I came within an inch of going ape shit on their asses. So don't. Just don't. I know I'm asking for it by writing this, but I'm just gonna risk it so you all know.

That is all,

Pete

All good things must come to an end...

...and it's always too soon

We all know it happens. It's happened to most of us at some time or another, when something really good has been going on and then it just ends, way before you would have liked it to. It could have been that first speeding ticket that ruined your reckless driving bliss, it could have been that special someone deciding that things couldn't work, or it could be the end of the long summer, meaning back to the grind of school and snow.

Whatever it is that's ending, you wish that it could last even a few more moments, impractical, pointless or frivolous as it may realistically be. But, of course, you defy logic and reason and hope that this time will stretch just a little further.

Oh well, I guess there's really nothing we can do. These times are ending because we can't control them, and soon enough we come to our senses and realise that the best course of action is the one that is already happening. Maybe this is because we stop doing what we feel and start doing what is best, or maybe we just give in to the hopeless truth that fate is no longer within our control. Either way, we justify to ourselves that "I'm doing the right thing" and that "this is what I want to and should be doing". Whatever lets us fall asleep at night.

And soon, we no longer fret about this ending, and archive the memories into our pasts, never again to think about the torment that we were caused, remembering only the good times the preceded it.

One day, someone will invent a way to store these feelings and memories so that they will never have to end. Until then, we're stuck with the past.

Don't ever let anything good go that you don't have to.

Pete

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Anyone who's been asking about comments, it can be done on all of my posts without being a member of blogger.com. Just click on the comments link below, then click "Post a comment". This will take you to a log in screen, but you can click a little link saying "Post anonymously". PLEASE DO THIS, I'll appreciate any and all feedback that I get.

Merge...

...and return to the highway at full speed...

A silent return to normalcy with nothing owed to the days gone by. Some times you just have to get a move on and pick up where you left off. It's a long road ahead, but we all have to travel it. Sometimes this just means you have to pull over and take a break, as long as you do it before you spiral out of control, or get into a fender bender.

While waiting for a kind stranger to let me back in, I stared at the light pattern on my floor, spread by the blinds, and I began to wonder what it was that was missing. Was there something that needed to change, or was it all going to fix itself in time. The morning song that swept through the open window, inspired me to believe that it could not be this world that was at fault. Therefore, it must be I that has to fix it, as it will be no ones fault but my own when it falls down around me. I therefore must not succumb to these distractions that tempt me, but rather focus once again on the simple things.

To this effect, I needed to get out of town. I needed to go somewhere, to see something, find something beautiful, crazy though it may seem. After much passive traveling throughout the countryside of malcontent, I happened upon a little bird. I have seen many of its kind in my time, but none so honest and true. And it flew from it's perch, over our heads and back to where I had started my journeys. And so it lead me here, full circle, 360, right back to the beginning of the entire affair. And as I approached speed, I rejoined the highway, moving at pace, feeling just as rested as before I had stopped.

Pete

(Does anyone actually know what this post is about? If you can tell me what's going on here, I'll....buy you a six pack or something)

Just my luck...

It's the hottest day of the year so far.....and I have a cold.

Bastards.

Why people hate the RIAA...

...and so download music?

Why? Because you can walk into HMV, spend almost $60 and walk out with 2 CD's and a dent in your pride as big as the one in your wallet.

Bastards.

Still Here...

Still here, taking a break from the world.

Be back later in the week.

Pete

How you remind me...

Memories of res come flooding back...

I miss res. Most all of us who were there do. We miss the people, the lifestyle, almost everything. There were good times, there were not so good times, and there were downright amazing times. But we're past that, and have all moved on into our respective summers. However, the memories came flooding back to me today and I missed it all over again. And it all came through a song. I was listening to my music at work, and a few songs just invoked the strongest memories of life in res. I sat in my chair, trying to read documents, with the biggest grin on my face I've had in years.

Fastball - Over my Head, Leroy - Good Time, and Colin Hay - Overkill

This was one of the best memories I could have had. A Sunday morning some time in the second half of the year. Laying in bed, a little before noon, Sean throws on a few songs that had been getting a lot of play time in our room of late. These three must have looped for over an hour while we both tried to get out of bed but couldn't. The sun was shining, it was a Sunday, and we had nothing that needed to be done. It was bliss.

Yellowcard - View from Heaven (and others)

A weird memory, but this one just brought back such strong memories of standing in the middle of my room on a beautiful sunny day, curtains drawn, playing video games, probably on a Friday when Sean was still in class. Not that this was that unusual, but this song was linked so strongly. Now, every Yellowcard song I hear just brings back memories of res, since the California quartet received so much play time.

Ben Harper - Walk Away

Another excellent memory, but this time spread over a few key moments. As soon as I heard the first few notes of this one today, that grin just spread all over my face. Just remembering learning to play this song and practicing it whenever Sean's acoustic was sat around, then teaching myself a little bit more, then showing off to people whenever it happened to play while we had guests. Not that it was a difficult song to play, but I was proud that I'd managed to even learn that much, even if I did recieve a little help. This song had a long history with me before, but it's been totally superseded by then new ones. Probably one of my fondest musical-links to res.

Reel Big Fish & The Forces of Evil

So many times did we put some of this stuff on and just start skanking around the room. It's these silly little things that really stick with you. Two, three, sometimes four guys skanking around in a tight circle. Greatness.

Billy Talent - This is How it Goes, Hoobastank - Out of Control, Sum41 - Over my Head

These were the energy songs. Each one has a crazy amount of energy that always got us pumped up to go out somewhere, even if it was just to class. Jumping as the killer riffs came in or screaming the lyrics to the chorus, these ones never failed to get us going.

Flogging Molly - Salty Dog, Dropkick Murphy's - Irish Drinking Song

So much jigging. One of the last night's that we all went out before exams, jigging up on Sean's bed with a whole crowd packed into the stairwell room.

And this doesn't even cover half of the songs. There were so many from Something Corporate that meant so much, a list as long as my arm of Weezer songs that would bring it all back, then Dashboard, John Mayer, Alien Ant Farm, Danko Jones (the "unnoficial" Cadillac accoustic) and so many more.

So next time your going through your music collection, pick out a song that you haven't heard for a while. It may just remind you of memories that you didn't know that you'd lost.

I just hope that next year brings as many great songs,

Pete